I Surrender
by Taco Addict 2.0
Summary: Songfic! Arkadia is having a party, but Clarke's head and heart just aren't in it. And after a talk with Octavia, she sets in search for her Co-Leader.


Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, do not own any part of the 100 or its characters. Nor do I own the song, I Prevail does. Hope you enjoy!

Clarke almost swore as she saw the amount of alcohol being consumed at the gathering. She could have used that to sterilize the medbay equipment, also she didn't like to believe that Monty and Jasper were able to find unlimited means of making moonshine. The chatter of her people put her at ease. She looked around, everyone was having a good time, at least. It had been a long few months for the people of Arkadia, with Clarke returning and A. L. I. E. she should lighten up, as bellamy tells her constantly. She glanced over to Raven who still had bandages on both wrists and bruises on her face and arms. She was smiling and laughing at something Jasper had told her. _'Who am I kidding, they deserve this,_ ' she thought as she drank from her clear glass.

Moving towards the warmth of the fire, she sat beside Octavia. Her friend was leaned against a log, staring silently into the fire. Clarke ached for Octavia and her loss. Although getting used to Lincoln took a tremendous amount of time, they eventually got used to the grounder. They considered him part of their adventure, a cherished friend. But to Octavia, he was so much more. Clarke knew the instant Octavia had mentioned Lincoln that she was in love with him. Clarke had never been in love, not even with Fin. But she did know what love felt like; she loved her dad, she loved her people, she loved her friends. Being in love, that was a different feeling. She leaned against her friend's back, resting her chin on her shoulder. The silence was comfortable between the two, neither had to express anything verbally, they just knew there was a feeling of forgiveness and empathy.

"He's really happy you decided to come back, you know."

"What?" Clarke moved her head off of her shoulder and sat on the ground beside her. Octavia didn't look at her, her eyes watching the dancing flames. Clarke reached out to place her hand on Octavia's leg, causing her to lock eyes with her blonde friend. Clarke couldn't tell what Octavia's eyes were trying to tell her, but she knew it was something important. Octavia covered Clarke's hand with her own, squeezing it tightly.

"You know what, Clarke. He may not show it, but he really is." Octavia said, returning her eyes back to the fire but refusing to let go of Clarke's hand.

Clarke seemed confused still. She didn't know what Octavia was talking about. Sure, she and Jasper were continuing to work out their issues, every once in awhile having a spat here and there, but she thought they were making good progress. However, the fact remains that Jasper was clearly unsatisfied once she returned.

Clarke's eyebrows scrunched in confusion. "Are you talking about Jasper?"

Octavia made a noise that was somewhere in between laughing and scoffing. She managed a small smile for her friend, "No Clarke. Not Jasper, although he is warming up to you. Even after you slaughtered Maya."

The words stung like salt. She doubted she would ever be able to let that go. Her eyes stung, and she felt her stomach lurch. Octavia could see her discomfort.

"Sorry Clarke, sounded more harsh than it was meant to be."

"Don't, it's a hundred percent right and there is no way to make it sound any better than the truth." Her eyes burned a hole in the ground.

Octavia repositioned herself. "Clarke, what we've been through.. everything, it's all different now. We can't change what we've done, we just live with it. If we can't forgive ourselves, we should at least try to forgive others. I know you and I had a pretty bad patch for a while, but things ARE different. And I'm willing to work past that."

Clarke gave her friend a soft smile as a few tears escaped her eyes. She was right, they've been through so much. Octavia hugged Clark, and it gave them both a warm feeling inside, knowing they had their friends. They pulled back and sat in silence, relishing in listening to their friends around them.

Other than Wells, Clarke never really had many friends back on the Ark. When he died, her whole world was shattered. But now, lazily eyeing Monty try to impress Raven with some (pretty terrible, in Clarke's opinion) dance moves. She smiled to herself. Maybe Octavia is right. Things are different now.

"Hey, Octavia?"

"Yeah?"

"I still don't know who you were talking about before."

Octavia shook her head. "How can you still be so oblivious?"

Clarke failed to see any humor. The brunette rolled her eyes, "Bellamy, Clarke. Bellamy is the one who's missed you so badly."

"What?" Clarke had to admit, she was slightly taken back. "You mean Bellamy as in your brother? Your stubborn, arrogant, ass hat brother?"

"No, I'm talking about the other Bellamy. You know, the one one with the eyepatch and no eyebrow?"

"Touché."

"But seriously, ever since we returned to Arkadia, he's been different. Though I don't talk to him much anymore, that doesn't mean I don't know my brother still. He's missed you more than any of us could even imagine." Octavia chuckled, "Besides, you're the only girl my brother's ever had a crush on."

Clarke needed a moment to process this information. When the 100 first colonized back to Earth, she distinctly remembered clashing with Bellamy. They couldn't agree on a damn thing if it killed them. But she knows something changed over the their adventure. It was never verbally issued, but the mutual respect was there. When did they change? Murphy's lashing out during their time at the dropship? Mount Weather? She couldn't give a time or a place, but it was there. She just didn't think he thought it was. Obviously, she was wrong.

To say she didn't miss Bellamy herself would be far from the truth. Her heart broke, leaving him when she knew she was most needed. But she had her demons to slay, and she didn't want him to see her at her weakest.

 _'Don't kid yourself by lying. He's seen you at far worse.'  
_  
Bellamy was her go to guy. They made decisions as a team and took on responsibilities as a team. She stopped him from killing himself and he stopped her from overworking herself. Together, they took care of their people.

"Clarke? You okay?"

Clarke must've let her mind wander, earning herself a concerned look from her friend. She smiled softly at Octavia and stood up.

"Yeah, thanks, O. And thank you, for everything." She squeezed her shoulder before walking off, in search of her co-leader.

She maneuvered her way through the crowd, crossing her way to where her mom and Kane were discussing something.

She stopped in front of them, "Hey mom, Kane."

Her mom embraced her and Kane gave her a warm smile, "Clarke, enjoying the festivities?"

"I've never been one to thoroughly enjoy parties, but it's wearing off." She stated. She examined the two, notice how Kane placed his hand on the small of her mother's back and how easily she felt at ease next to him. Believe her or not, but she felt happiness for her mother finding love. Bitterness towards her lost, and the two had been working on rebuilding their relationship.

"Is there anything we can do for you, Clarke?" Her mother asked.

She scanned the group around them, still searching for the brunette butthead she calls a friend. "Have you seen Bellamy? I feel like he hasn't been out all day and I know he would never turn down Jasper's moonshine."

"I saw him head towards his cabin a few hours ago. Seemed to be writing something along the way. I'd check there, but I wouldn't worry too much. Probably getting some rest." Kane patted her on the shoulder.

She gave them thanks and went on her way. Within seconds Bellamy filled her mind. She had missed him more than she let herself believe. She missed his hugs and his warmth. He always smelled like mint and gunpowder, which made her smile. Clarke hated to admit that, despite detesting the man before, she always found him rather enjoyable to look at. His freckles slightly peek through his dark skin or his dark chocolate ringlets that he always forget to cut. When he smiles, she takes notice of the tiny dimples in his cheeks. She missed it all, and that doesn't just exclude looks. No, Clarke defiantly missed being able to look at Bellamy Blake.

Parking in front of his cabin, the door was slightly ajar. It was unlike Bellamy to leave his door open, especially at night. Not wanting to disrupt him- for all she knows, he could be sleeping- she gently brushed against the door.

"Damn it! Why can't I get this right?"

Clarke jumped at Bellamy's sudden outburst. What was she doing? She's spying on her best friend. Why can't she just knock on the door and go in?

' _Because you're a coward.'  
_  
She mentally told herself to shove it.

Deciding not to rock the adventure of being assumed of stalking Bellamy, she turned around to walk her way back to the part.

Then she heard someone playing a guitar.

There were many instrumentalists on the Ark, but she never knew any personally. The sound flowed through her, as if beckoning her to return for more.

She did.

Turning her attention back to Bellamy's cabin, she was surprised to find the music originating from it. Who knew Bellamy Blake was musician? Lowering to her knees, she remained statues to the ground, watching as Bellamy sat against his wall. He had multiple pieces of paper around him, some crumpled up into tiny balls, and he was strumming notes from the most beautiful instrument Clarke has ever seen. He held a black guitar, with actual guitar strings!

Where did he get that? Since when does Bellamy make time for anything other than combat and survival?

Bellamy groaned in frustration. He picked up his pencil, scribbled something on a piece of paper and strummed some different chords. As Clarke listened, she lightly swayed and closed her eyes. God she loved this sound. It wasn't too upbeat to sound funky, but it wasn't slow enough to put her to sleep. The music relaxed her and she smiled.

"Okay, let's try this again." She hear him talking to himself. He was always doing that, even if he didn't realize it. She thought it was sort of cute.

He cleared his throat and stared at the empty space in front of him. He too deep breaths before collecting himself.

"This one's for you, Clarke."

Fuck! He knows she's there. Her heart stopped and her breath was caught in her throat. Oh god, how embarrassing. She knew it was wrong to spy on him! Now look where it's gotten her.

She heard him sigh, " No, no, that sounds stupid. God, she'd never fall for that."

Oh thank god.

"Hmm, what else? Ugh! This is so stupid. She'd never.. ugh. Okay, Bell, calm down. You can do it. I mean, it's Clarke. You can tell her anything. Ahem. Hey, Clarke. I, uh, wrote you something. You don't need to say anything, just listen."

'He wrote me a song?' Her stomach churned ands or was caught up her throat. She thanked it being so dark out, so if anyone were to actually find her out here, they'd never notice her blush.

His fingers manipulated the strings so beautifully, each note fell together in perfect rhythm. Clarke was in heaven.

"I'm a ghost in your eyes.  
A shadow you can't seem to recognize.  
I have a thought of you for every, star in the sky  
But I'm scared, I'll never cross your mind.  
Yeah, I'm scared."

Clarke was taken back. God, his voice was beautiful. His voice was strawberry wine and she was drunk. The words were filled with emotion. How could he think she doesn't see him? She's only other person who could, other than his sister. She smiled, there are a lot of stars.

 _'You always cross my mind, Bellamy.'  
_  
"Will our stars ever align?  
Will two hearts, beat in time?  
These words you should always remember,  
To you, my heart I surrender.  
Chasing love that can never be mine.  
Maybe one day you'll realize.  
These words you should always remember,  
To you, my heart I surrender.

My heart I surrender."

The feeling in her stomach returned and she felt a tightening in her chest. Bellamy Blake just said he loved her. Her. Clarke Griffin. She covered her mouth with one hand and put her other hand over her heart.

"And I can't count the times.  
I stayed awake pretending you were mine.  
Now I'm left here with this emptiness inside,  
Why can't I make you mine?"

That's a very good question.

 _'You won't let down your walls, that's why.'  
_  
Clarke officially hates herself. Maybe she's right, that shielding herself of all emotions, all feelings, is causing pain for others. She smiles into he hand, he thinks of her. All the time. But a thought startles her.

Does she even want Bellamy?

"Will our stars ever align?  
Will two hearts, beat in time?  
These words you should always remember,  
To you, my heart I surrender.  
Chasing love that can never be mine.  
Maybe one day you'll realize.  
These words you should always remember,  
To you, my heart I surrender.

My heart I surrender.

Will our stars ever align?  
Will two hearts, beat in time?  
These words you should always remember,  
To you, my heart I surrender.  
Chasing love that can never be mine.  
Maybe one day you'll realize.  
These words you should always remember,  
To you, my heart I surrender."

The music died down, much to Clarke's disappointment. She saw him just sitting there, staring at the ceiling. His arms went limp and he closed his eyes. Should she go and see him? No, she decided, that would be a bad idea. She remained where she sat, letting her mind wandered to their encounters throughout their time on Earth as she heard him pour out his emotions. She didn't want to hurt Bellamy, but she didn't want to hurt herself anymore, either. Between Fin and Lexa... she was having a rough time thinking about anyone romantically. Fin had used her and cast her to the side before. She didn't want that again. But, Bellamy was always there for her. They fought, of course, but he was always there to make her smile.

She remembers many fond memories, like a morning when the two went hunting, mainly for Clarke trying to get her mind off of Fin. He was cracking jokes and making faces the whole time. She called him a Loone. Or the time they found a river, miles from Arkadia.

 _They had just finished hunting with Harper and Miller and came up short. The group parted when Bellamy decided to continue the search, and of course, Clarke declared she would tag along._

The two walked for a few more miles, poking fun at each other. It became a habit between them, constantly trying them, irritating each other for their personal amusement. After another couple of miles, they came to the a cliff. Bellamy peered over the edge, trying to get a good look at how high they were and how bad of a death they'd experience if they were to fall over.

"It's not so bad. We aren't even a mile up and there seems to be a river at the bottom. We could use that for fishing once Raven and Wick finish the fishing poles." He tells her. She shuffles closer to the edge, wanting to confirm his statement. He was right, naturally, because Bellamy doesn't lie about resources we could use to support the camp. The river didn't look too deep and the current wasn't roaring and destructive. She remembers when Octavia had been caught in the river during their first day on Earth. Not a pleasant experience.

"You can swim, right?"

Clarke was confused. Why would he ask?

"Yeah. Wh-" She couldn't even finish her question before Bellamy tackled her and threw them both over the cliff. The impact of the water stung Clarke's back and the weight of Bellamy on top of her caused her to lose her breath. She kicked him off her and swam to the surface, breathing in the fresh air.

"Bellamy, you asshole! That wasn't cool!" She shouted. Clarke looked around the water, and something twisted in her gut.

Bellamy hadn't resurfaced.

She panicked, looking around the water, trying to make out his body shape. Maybe he was already at shore? "Bellamy!"

Clarke continued to scream until something came out behind her and poked her sides, just above her hip bones. She was ticklish there and only one person knew it.

"Bellamy Blake, you are the biggest asshole I've ever met! I can't even believe you."

"Oh please, you know you're having fun."

"How would you know? Maybe I'm planning your death."

"Wouldn't be the first time you've ever said that. Besides, you can afford to live a little now. Don't be such a stuck up."

"I know, but you love it."

"Whatever you say, Princess."

She rolled her eyes at him and pushed a wave of water towards him, hitting his face. He mimicked her moves, and they continued to splash each other for what seemed to be hours. The two swam around, talking and exploring. It felt good for them to be able to feel their own age for once, not having the weight of their people on their shoulders for a while. Once Clarke noticed the sun setting, they decided to resume their way back to camp.

Once at the gates of Arkadia, the first thing they noticed was Abby and Kane waiting for them. Abby rushed to her daughter and pulled her into a tight embrace

.

 _"Where have you two been? Harper and Miller came back hours ago and told us you were still hunting. I thought.."_

They both knew what her mom was trying to say. She thought Clarke had abandoned them again.

Bellamy walked on as Clarke held her mom, "No mom, I'm right I'm not going anywhere. Not anymore."

Abby squeezed her tightly before pulling back, "I know. I've just missed you so much. How about you two go and dry off and grab some food."

She nodded and joined Bellamy's side, he was filling in Kane about the river and how they could use it to their advantage. They made their way to their respective cabins, silence following them. It wasn't an awkward silence, but it was still there.

"Admit it, Princess. You had fun out there today." He smiled at her once they reached her cabin.

Clarke refrained from smiling, not giving him the satisfaction he so wanted. "You're an idiot, Bellamy."

"I know, but you love it."

_  
The memory fills her with warmth, causing her smile to increase and her face to become flushed. She had so much fun that day, but she wouldn't admit it to him. He's always trying to get her to enjoy herself more, to take better care of herself. When it's raining, he'll give her his jacket to keep her from catching a cold because he know's she's too stubborn to bring one herself. Or when he would bring her meals to the Medbay, in case she didn't grab some when she was working late. Or, when he knew she was having a rough day, knowing she would say that she's alright, but he would stay and hold her anyways. She felt safest with him, tucked away in his arms, shielded from the rest of the world.

Oh boy, Clarke. You got it bad.

She was in love with Bellamy Blake.

"How long have you been out here?"

Her eyes shot open and the object of her affections loomed right above her. His eyes bored into hers and she could feel her face heat up.

"Long enough."

"I see."

She shut her mouth and he sat beside her. He wouldn't look at her now, and that irritated Clarke. She wanted to know what he was thinking.

"I really didn't want you to hear that. Well, not today. It's not ready and I didn't really want you to hear that crap work"

"How come you didn't tell me you played guitar? Or wrote music, for that matter?"

He sighed and his shoulders slumped. "When I was younger and Octavia was still a toddler, she asked Kane if he could find someone to privately teach me, she told him it was for cultural appreciation or something. But I asked her if I could learn so I could start putting Octavia to sleep myself, so she didn't have to burden herself to stay up for hours. Then, lyrics would just come to me and I would write them down, but I was never really good with words."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

She was still curious about something,"Where did you get the guitar?"

He shrugged as if it was nothing. "Last time Monty and I went hunting together, we stumbled across another underground bunker. We didn't find anything useful other than lamp oil and seeds for planting. But I found this under the bed, and decided that it shouldn't be wasted. It's almost brand new."

"It really is beautiful."

Silence engulfed them. "I thought the song was really good, Bell."

He scoffed, "It was terrible. You can be honest."

"I am being honest. I loved it."

He said nothing, and she leaned her head on his arm. She felt so warm next to him, so peaceful. She never wanted to leave his side again. Her eyes watered when she remembered how she went without him all those months, it killed her. He turned his head to look at her. "What's wrong, princess?"

Silent tears slipped past her cheeks and Bellamy carefully wiped them away.

"I missed you."

He sighed and held her closer to him. When Clarke was gone, she was all his mind would accept. Nothing else mattered but her.

"I missed you too."

She sat straight so she could hug him properly. His arms snaked around her and he just breathed her in as she cried. He placed light kisses along her neck, hardly touching her. She smelled like a mix of pine and moonshine and something he just couldn't place. Bellamy took in every bit of her, he wouldn't let her leave again.

Clarke pulled back slightly, getting a better look at him. His eyes were full of curiosity and fear. They were the most beautiful eyes to her. She would kill to wake up to them everyday. Bellamy moved to slowly close the gap between the two. It was gentle and hesitant, a slow kiss. He was putting himself out there, he didn't know how she would react.

She reacted pretty well.

That next morning, you could ask Bellamy or Clarke, but they would both smile and change the subject. But if you asked anyone else in Arkadia, they'd tell you Octavia found the pair wrapped in each other's arms outside Bellamy's cabin, with a guitar by their side.

Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed my first fic! I worked hard on it, but I still feel it could be better. Oh well, the more I write, the better I get. Right? Anyways, if you guys have any question she or requests or anything, let me know. It would Ben so helpful. Thank you loves (:


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